


Jade & Equius Discuss Taxonomy

by Classpectanon



Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [75]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Discussions of Furries, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 12:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30089223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: "I think by any logical definition we can plainly see that a centaur is a kind of furry." Equius said, calmly and succinctly explaining his point. His bedroom, a junkyard of abandoned and broken projects, demolished machines, snapped circuit-boards and frayed wires, piled up in a corner in case he "needed them for later". A monument to creative languor, a thousand and one robots created, scrapped, and then created again, and then scrapped again, each one becoming more of a patchwork shell of mechanisms and parts while Equius rested upon an old racecar bed that he refused to move out of lest it ruin his routine, instead plopping his feet upon a stolen leather ottoman from the living room while he slept and rapidly outgrew his mattress. Not really stolen insofar as he was entirely allowed, and encouraged, to do so by a very permissive father, but he still liked to present it as such. "It has all the taxonomical prerequisites - humanoid in shape and with animalistic features."75/365
Relationships: Jade Harley & Equius Zahhak
Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [75]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Jade & Equius Discuss Taxonomy

"I think by any logical definition we can plainly see that a centaur is a kind of furry." Equius said, calmly and succinctly explaining his point. His bedroom, a junkyard of abandoned and broken projects, demolished machines, snapped circuit-boards and frayed wires, piled up in a corner in case he "needed them for later". A monument to creative languor, a thousand and one robots created, scrapped, and then created again, and then scrapped again, each one becoming more of a patchwork shell of mechanisms and parts while Equius rested upon an old racecar bed that he refused to move out of lest it ruin his routine, instead plopping his feet upon a stolen leather ottoman from the living room while he slept and rapidly outgrew his mattress. Not really stolen insofar as he was entirely allowed, and encouraged, to do so by a very permissive father, but he still liked to present it as such. "It has all the taxonomical prerequisites - humanoid in shape and with animalistic features."

Jade shook her head vigorously, sitting on Equius's fancy several thousand dollar office chair - the needs of the idle rich, ah - and leaning forward on its back enough to let it act as a platform for her to rest her entire front on, locking in place at an almost 40 degree angle and turned to the side so she could actually see the boy she was conversing with. Behind her, Equius's computer chugged along quietly and happily, chewing on some sort of monstrous data amalgamation like a dog chewing on a chew toy. "And I'm telling you, they lack the essential blend of human and animal! You can't just cram the two together and go "that's a furry", they need to be emulsified together into a _blend_. It's an anthropomorphized animal, not just sticking a human and an animal together and calling it a day like Shou Tucker!"

"Ow." Equius dramatically winced into his horse-patterned blanket and horse-patterned pillow. "That was a low blow."

Jade delicately smiled in Equius's direction, tilting her head and sticking her tongue out. "Sorry, I just feel very strongly about this! Furry taxonomy is kind of important to me for reasons I can't articulate."

Equius put an index finger on each corner of his mouth and pulled them down into a dramatic frown, before pulling them back up, partially revealing his array of crooked, brace-covered teeth. "It's alright. I don't actually care that much that I'm offended by the comparison. Anyway, what if it was an anthropomorphic animal on top of a horse's body?"

"Those are called taurs and they are absolutely furry, but because by including anthropomorphic animals in the equation they are already inherently furry, not because the horse is there. It doesn't make them 150% furry. They're just furries, but with more legs." Jade replied, scratching the top of her head gently, before folding her fingers into her hair and slowly brushing it out of place once it began falling in front of and behind her glasses, tucking it behind her ear. Behind her, a small desk fan pointed in her direction helped keep the wind slightly obnoxiously at her back, occasionally making each individual strand of hair twitch and flutter, and even more occasionally, separating one from the clumps and tangles it existed in and sending it flying over her head to land as a paltry bang.

"What if it was a spider?" Equius asked, rolling over onto his belly and cradling his chin in his hands. "Not that I'm interested in spiders but the taxonomic interplay on display intrigues me. Does it have to be a mammalian lower half or one with four legs to be considered a quote unquote "taur"?"

Jade rubbed her chin in thought, reaching down with her other hand and cranking the chair another couple of degrees downward. "I think that's a drider? But don't quote me on that. Could just be another kind of 'taur."

"Okay, I won't. Does it have to be a horse?" Equius asked, his curiosity genuinely seemingly piqued.

"No, I think it can be any sort of thing with legs. I've seen cat furries with cat lower bodies. Like, lions and stuff, not, like, housecats." Jade answered, gently walking her fingers along the carefully curated leather backing of Equius's chaotically mismatched office chair. "I think a housecat sized furry would be... odd."

"What if it doesn't have legs, like a snake or a slug?" Equius asked, his desire to know more only intensifying.

"I believe that is broadly considered a "naga" of some description." Jade answered.

Equius's face scrunched up slightly in thought. "Reach into the drawer of my desk, please, there are some markers and construction paper. I am going to draw a horsetaursona now."

Jade, stifling her laughter so as to not offend the strange boy, spun the chair around in a semi circle (knocking the desk fan over into a pile of other desk fans, yanking the cord out of the wall - the entire process went entirely unnoticed), and reached down to open up one of the drawers for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/classpectanon)


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